i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
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