someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Randomize
