You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Randomize
