Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Randomize
