I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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