My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
i think my mom watched the whole time
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
