Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Randomize
