fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Randomize
