i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
