1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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