is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
