If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
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