oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
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