god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
