Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
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