If i come over, it means nothing
My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Randomize
