I like to think it a success when the cops are called
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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