Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
