Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
