My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
I FOUND THE LEGS
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Randomize
