Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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