why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
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