I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
