I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
