her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
Randomize
