How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
She needs sedatives and a leash
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
