he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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