you guys were way drunker than both of me
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
