At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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