So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
