If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Randomize
