eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
