Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Randomize
