when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
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