At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
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