my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
