I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
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