Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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