You made me cry and you don't even care
She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
