just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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