so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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