woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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