i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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