god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
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