"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
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