If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Randomize
