he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Randomize
