all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Randomize
