Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize