Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Randomize
