i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
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