i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Randomize
