Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
