You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Brb crying the tears of my youth
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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