her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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