I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
