Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
