If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
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