I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
