Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Randomize
