My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Randomize
