Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
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