Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
