last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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