Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
Randomize
