I wish I only lived at night.
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
